There’s nothing easy about ending a friendship. It’s been really hard to go from being attached at the hip to someone for four years to knowing it’s all over. One of the worst parts is that my whole idea of the person has changed. I think in a lot of ways I was blind to certain elements of the person and to our relationship. I’m a believer and I put a lot of work into relationships, but sometimes I don’t know when to let things go. This is the time when I evaluate what’s happened and also let myself grieve. I want to feel like I’ve learned and that I won’t make the same mistakes again.
Every day is different now. I was talking to a Bay Area friend of mine the other night and she said that age 27 is the year of really high highs and really low lows. It’s completely true. I’d like to move out of that soon. Maybe I can fake it and pretend my birthday is sooner than April.
I was saying to someone that it’s weird thinking about how people break-up every day all over the world. Sometimes I think that I’ll be better off alone for a long time. I thought I would want to get in another relationship, but I think I really need time to feel what it’s like to stand on my own two feet.
Some moments, I just want to sit around and let it all sink in. Others, I want to keep moving.
What I’ve got: my writing, good friends and family, the financial help to start a life in New York, and Cornelius.
I know everything will get better with time; I just wish I could be a more patient person.
