Goat Toothin'

Several years ago, I coined the phrase goat toothin'. I used it in a sentence five times each day and got my friends to spread it around. I really wanted to start a new term. I defined goat toothin' (roughly) as the act of telling a lie (often related to buisness interactions with a higher-up, but not limited to these interactions).
Example:
Boss: Did you come in late yesterday? Someone mentioned that you haven't been showing up to work and you're letting projects slide. Is that true?
Worker: No, sir.
Boss: You need to quit your goat toothin' and come clean.
Worker: I'm sorry, sir.

Often goat toothin' is preceded by the phrase "quit your". Anyway, I would really appreciate it if you could revive this phrase and use it at least twice a day. It would mean a lot to me and the advancement of English.

Finally, along the same line, I've been thinking that I might want to aquire a goat. I think it might be hard to keep one in my apartment and I'd be afraid it might eat Cornelius, BUT goat milk soap and goat cheese are so luxurious and I'd love to have easy access. Getting these products at the store is just too expensive. Hence the need for my own personal goat. Maybe I'd name her toothin'.

Riva's Reading List (also titled, my mother will read along with me)

Because there's been a request for my list, here's what it looks like before it's chiseled down. I've read some of these things on my own, but I'm really looking forward to reading for school. I have to write craft annotations for the books I read, which are papers that discuss what the author is doing, how the author does it, and how it relates to my own writing. You can kind of get a sense of what my writing is like by reading this list, but then again maybe you can't.
Quesiton: Riva, are you really going to read along?

1. Lisa Shea Hula
2. Lorrie Moore Birds of America
3. A.M. Homes Safety of Objects
4. Mary Gaitskill Because They Wanted To
5. Antonya Nelson Female Trouble
6. Antonya Nelson Some Fun
7. Tobias Wolff The Night In Question
8. Tobias Wolff Old School
9. Alice Munro Lives of Girls and Women
10. Nathan Englander For the Relief of Unbearable Urges
11. Elizabeth Graver The Honey Thief
12. Karen Lee Boren Girls in Peril
13. Ian McEwan Atonement (Which Jess reads on "Gilmore Girls")
14. Katherine Ann Porter Pale Horse, Pale Rider
15. Singrid Nunez The Last Of Her Kind
16. Scott Snyder Voodoo Heart
17. Cheever Collected Stories
18. Cormac McCarthy Outer Dark
19. Cormac McCarthy Child of God
20. Judy Doenges Most Beautiful Girl In The World
21. Anne Carson Autobiography of Red
22. Paul Lisicky Lawnboy
23. Chekhov Stories
24. Richard Yates Collected Stories
25. Capote Breakfast at Tiffany's and Stories
26. John Gardner The Art of Fiction
27. Julia Checkoway Creating Fiction

I got an RSI writing this so you better appreciate it. love, me

Prince on The Brain

I was walking to school today and the Prince song, "7" came on my ipod. Question posed to anyone who loves Prince and/or has some good insight: Is this song about seven deadly sins? I just made that connection today and I tried to ask my classmates, who as far as I'm concerned are walking zombies since nobody seems to know and love Prince in my program. I even made an announcement before class that if anyone loved Prince to come and talk to me afterwards. Nothing! Okay, so tell me what you think, please. Pay special attention to the verse about the plague and river of blood.

7 by Prince

All 7 and we'll watch them fall
They stand in the way of love
And we will smoke them all
With an intellect and a savoir-faire
No one in the whole universe
Will ever compare

I am yours now and u are mine
And together we'll love through
All space and time, so don't cry
One day all 7 will die

All 7 and we'll watch them fall
They stand in the way of love
And we will smoke them all
With an intellect and a savoir-faire
No one in the whole universe
Will ever compare

I am yours now and u are mine
And together we'll love through
All space and time, so don't cry
One day all 7 will die

And I saw an angel come down unto me
In her hand she holds the very key
Words of compassion, words of peace
And in the distance an army's marching feet (1 2 3 4 - 1 2 3 4)
But behold, we will watch them fall

And we lay down on the sand of the sea
And before us animosity will stand and decree
That we speak not of love only blasphemy
And in the distance, 6 others will curse me
But that's alright (That's alright)
4 I will watch them fall (1 2 3 4 5 6 7)

All 7 and we'll watch them fall
They stand in the way of love
And we will smoke them all
With an intellect and a savoir-faire
No one in the whole universe
Will ever compare

I am yours now and u are mine
And together we'll love through
All space and time, so don't cry
One day all 7 will die

[(Just how old)]

And we will see a plague and a river of blood
And every evil soul will surely die in spite of
Their 7 tears, but do not fear
4 in the distance, 12 souls from now
U and me will still be here - we will still be here

There will be a new city with streets of gold
The young so educated they never grow old
And a, there will be no death 4 with every breath
The voice of many colors sings a song
That's so bold
Sing it while we watch them fall

All 7 and we'll watch them fall
They stand in the way of love
And we will smoke them all
With an intellect and a savoir-faire
No one in the whole universe
Will ever compare

I am yours now and u are mine
And together we'll love through
All space and time, so don't cry
One day all 7 will die

[(Just how old)]
[(Just how old)]
[(Just how old)]

whoa happy moodswing, here she comes

happiness is meeting with my mentor/professor (a nice jewish gay man) one on one.
i forgot that the reason why i'm doing low-residency is because i like being alone, or in my own grounded world. i don't get a lot from being surrounded by writers all the time. or even a lot of the time. i like knowing other people's processes but that doesn't mean we have anything in common besides writing.
i'm in a whole new good place right now. michael gave me a ton of support AND an amazing book list and feedback session. since tomorrow is the first time one of my manuscripts will be workshopped (one of two that will be workshopped before i leave), it's really good that i feel visible and real and appreciated and so many other good things.
it's so weird to go from falling furhter and further into isolation and disconnection and then to have one talk with a key player and get right back on the horse (yuck, i hate horses. let's say kayak) and keep going.
i am here for a reason. i am going to get a lot out of this.
and while all of that is happening i get to read and write and have a teacher who G-E-T-S me!!!! (i don't know why i just spelled out "gets". maybe it needed to sound like a cheer.)

song of the current moodswing:
"Ask" by The Smiths:

Shyness is nice and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to

So, if there's something you'd like to try
If there's something you'd like to try
Ask me I wont say no, how could I?

Coyness is nice, and
Coyness can stop you
From saying all the things in
Life you'd like to

So, if there's something you'd like to try
If there's something you'd like to try
Ask me I wont say no, how could I?

Spending warm Summer days indoors
Writing frightening verse
To a BUCKTOOTH girl in Luxembourg

Ask me, ask me, ask me
Ask me, ask me, ask me

Because if it's not Love
Then it's the bomb, the bomb, the bomb,
the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb
That will bring us together

Nature is a language - can't you read ?
Nature is a language - can't you read ?

So, ask me, ask me, ask me,
Ask me, ask me, ask me

Because if it's not Love
Then it's the bomb, the bomb, the bomb,
the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb
That will bring us together

If it's not Love
Then it's the bomb
Then it's the bomb
That will bring us together

So, ask me, ask me, ask me,
Ask me, ask me, ask me

Isn't It Ironic, or Is It...

There is nothing worse than waking up with a sense of dread. This day can't be as bad as yesterday or for that matter, the day before, right?
I was just thinking how there's something so wrong with the irony that I can learn SO much about writing and about my creative voice and simultaneously feel like my honest self is not being seen or heard. Maybe that's not the real definition of irony. (After the Alanis Morissette controversy, I never like to refer to things as "ironic", running the risk that like the singer, I don't understand what that word really means.) Anyway, you get the point.
I have to go back there today and I just want to hide out at Kimberley's.
I wish I didn't have to make choices like:
-Should I be honest about who I am and make things weird or be dishonest about who I am and feel invisible?

The song "Desert Island" by The Magnetic Fields feels particularly applicable.

I'm sick of writing gloomy posts, which I think is a passive way of saying, I'm sick of feeling gloomy.
Lots of love to all of you.

Queer Mickey Mouse

Today I became the queer mickey mouse. I made the mistake of coming out and talking about me and Miles and trans stuff in my workshop and before I knew it, there were four ignorant people wanting to have their picture taken with me. Not really, but that's how it felt. I am hiding at home even though I'm supposed to be at a reading. It's nice that my advisor's a gay man, but apparently gay men are out and trans is the hottest dish. This whole things feels so lonely now.

more mixed feelings

even though aimee said not to make any decisions about my experience right now, it can't be helped. judgment is first in my mind.
today, i really missed interlochen. i never thought i would say that. poetry isn't the same here. i miss the magic. i miss the hushed class, the sound of each others' breath as we wait for Dr. Bozanic to inhale each letter, each sound, each word, then exhale emotion, passion, fire. i know it sounds cheesy, but my memory of those classes is of a spiritual experience. i guess it would be asking too much to get that again.
among other things, today we talked about jane kenyon's poem, "Evening at a Country Inn". We spent over an hour and a half on the short poem and if anything, i felt worse than i did before the conversation began. I believe Jane would have wanted so much more from us. I believe we let this poem down.
The rest of the day wasn't much better. Again, too tired to explain. I have three manuscripts to re-read before bed.
I hope tomorrow's better.

Happy Minneapolis Pride!

One More Thing!
Congratulations to Miles and the rest of the Gender Blur Gang for making wonderful big and beautiful puppets for this year's Minneapolis Pride. I wish I could see them in all their glory.
You're here, you're queer, you're fabulous!

whirlwind

school is good, bad, overstimulating, lots of things. i'm supposed to be reviewing 4 manuscripts for workshopping for tomorrow right now. i have to re-read for a class too. but i wanted to say hello and mention that things are a mixture and my emotions are changing all the time. overall, i'm glad to be here and i'm getting a lot out of the experience.
my advisor told me that my work reminds him of lisa shea's, so as soon as i can i'm going to read the book (pictured here). more to come.

oh, and the food is yummy. people keep asking me about that. i guess my standards aren't very high.
off to buckle down with some old fashioned manuscripts.

2.5 hours to go

I feel like I'm waiting for a job interview, all dressed up and nowhere to go. 2.5 hours until my first school event. And then I'm off and running.
In the meantime, I'm trying to entertain myself.
I was inspired today by all the amazing literary blogs out there and now I feel like I should write more about what I'm reading.
Right now I'm in the middle of Diane Ackerman's "History of the Senses", which I've wanted to read for a long time. I have to say, she can be pretty fruity and she's definitely the most feminine womanly woman writer I've read in a while. I go between really loving the information she provides (she goes through each of the five senses and gives a history and some literary information) and feeling repulsed by how often she talks about women's attraction to men, menstruation, and gross straight things that seem kind of gender essentialist to my oh so post-modern mind. Anyway, I don't think I would recommend it, but I'm going to finish it because as a writer, it's helping me understand how I write about each sense.
I've got to have some lunch before school.
Here's hoping I can hide my social awkwardness for the next ten days...

my free day, spent blogging

I have so much time on my hands that i thought i'd upload a few pictures of jessie cohen and her partner, jane's new baby, alex. and those who know them, look how old ruby is getting! mazel tov! i'm so happy for them.

so far so good

today i have seen:

1. the campus!! i'm going to school. i'm going to school. i'm so excited.
2. someone who went to oberlin with me (or did she go to interlochen? i don't know). we stared at each other, but no major acknowledgment.
3. my sister on the street. we had a lovely walk to her work and i had a great conversation with the recpetionist at her office about my tattoos.
4. my sister's friend, Lindsay was in Porter Square, so we had a nice chat.
5. 3 lesbians.
6. did i mention the campus?

quick hello

I'm at Kimberley's home in Somerville. She greeted me with two of my favorite things: pineapple slices and dunkin' donut holes (a boston staple). School starts in two days. i should get some rest. more tomorrow...

Season Finale Weekend

This weekend felt like the final episode of that television show where all the teenagers are just a little too angsty (is that possible?) and the extended cast keeps getting into fatal/life-changing events that leave you wiping away embarrassing tears as the credits roll to the sound of your favorite new song, probably a new band that’s looking for record sales by writing music for a bad television show. (Why does that band keep showing up everywhere?!)

Saturday was Miles’ and my four-year anniversary. It was mostly a wonderful day. We played Scrabble at a coffee shop, and I know I should refrain, but it needs to be noted that I won by over 100 points. I came up with such classics as “migrant” and “union” and got loads of points for, well, enough, Gili, you won, what else do you want?

I should mention that we’re officially postponing the anniversary until after I get back from school (I leave this Wednesday). Miles and I pulled out all the clothes that I am bringing on my trip and we organized what I would wear each day for each class. Yes, I’m that nervous. But I have to say I’m a lot less stressed now that I have a list of what to wear.

The weirdness set in during the evening. We drove to the northeast side of Minneapolis where our favorite nighttime restaurant is located. We parked and they said there was a 20-minute wait. We took a walk around the block and the hot summer day instantly turned into a major downpour. When we got back to Pop (the restaurant), we were soaked and cold. No big deal, the food is worth it.

Important fact: the tables at Pop are less than 7 inches apart.
Back to the story: During the meal, on my right side, these two blonde women were celebrating something with 4-year old blonde twin boys. I’m sure I don’t need to point out that they were both hyperactive and obsessed with Miles, desperately trying to get his attention and banging in to him as they stood up and sat back down and stood up again. The boys were sucking on some kind of green apple sugar soda (okay, I know I sound like an old lady, but four year old boys drinking what amount to sugar water is a bad equation).

We got through the meal and that’s when the really, really weird thing happened. During dessert, two sixty-year olds sat down to our left. I’m sorry that this is about to get crude, but apparently, life is crude. This was maybe their second or third date. The over-tanned bad-bleached haired woman, who let everyone know in what became a loud and fully shameless soundtrack for the rest of our meal, that she had led a life full of sexual repression. She wore a yellow sundress that screamed, look at my gross leather skin, and sandals. Not two minutes after they sat down, she stuck her barefoot into the man’s crotch. When he protested, she told him, he had a big stomach and could hide his pleasure. Yup, you read that right. She told him to sit back and enjoy himself. Miles and I tried to look away as she used her foot to, well, I hope you get the point. She spoke of her two grown children, her ex-husband, life on Prozac, her freedom and happiness. Meanwhile, she was doing what she was doing and it was disgusting. There are no tablecloths at Pop. It’s just disgusting. It was bad enough that we had to sit there while all of this happened, what was even worse was that the four-year old boys were captivated. They couldn’t take their eyes off the older couple. (See picture illustrated by Miles.)

Fast-forward to the next morning. Major mood shift ahead: I called my friend, Kasey to see if we’re going to hang out and Miles and I find out that his partner, and our friend, Henry is in New York visiting his mom. It turns out she was just diagnosed with advanced cancer and has been given a ten percent chance of living past six months. I don’t know what to say here. I just didn’t realize odds like that are handed out in real life. I thought that was something people predicted on television shows. So, Henry is home, with his mom. And I guess she will die soon. I write this because I don’t know how to process this information. How do people process things like this? What do you do with information like this? All I seem to be able to do is repeat it over and over, tell anyone I can, try and figure out what it means, and understand that it’s completely out of my comprehension. So, my heart is with Henry right now. And his family.

That’s it. That’s what happened this weekend. That’s more than enough.

I wish the credits would roll and then there would be a sneak preview of next season, which would start with the doctors reporting that there has been a huge mistake and Henry’s mom isn’t dying. Or to go along with my stupid metaphor, maybe she does leave the show, but then she stars in this amazing new movie and wins an academy award and then goes on to star in a theater production that is both historically monumental and timeless. That’s what I like about art, it outlasts us, it can be manipulated, and it’s immortal.

13 Worst Queer Movies

In honor of last night's viewing of "Querelle" I realized that what the world needs is a list of some of the worst queer movies ever made.
This list is not in any particular order and it should be noted that many many more movies belong in this category. These were the first ones I thought of, but feel free to remind me of others.
1. A Home At The End of The World: hours of pain as the script plumeted into what felt like the end of the world
2. Salmonberries: Oy Vey, KD Lang attempts acting (see picture).
3. The Event: the event was trying to stay awake for two hours and get my money's worth
4. Bar Girls: much better watched in rewind. a lot more humorous.
5. Total Eclipse: I believe this is the worst movie ever made. I ate some oreos during the viewing. I wish the oreos had totally eclipsed the screen.
6. Querelle: see below. this could be a great drinking or smoking movie, but sober, it just hurts all over.
7. Therese and Isabelle: all I remember is saying "oh, therese" and "oh, isabelle" over and over for weeks.
8. Swimming: the lead in this movie is the girl from "Six Feet Under". According to my parents she sucks in the theater and I could say the same for her movie career. Stick to HBO.
9. Better Than Chocolate: should be called worse than shingles.
10. Personal Best: if this is the personal best, I am so so deeply afraid to find out what the personal worst looks like.
11. Big Eden: yuck.
12. Cruising: this is kind of funny. i hate period pieces. sure, this was filmed in the 80's, but if you think of it as a historical glimpse, it can be quite entertaining.
13. Boys in The Band: get an editor, get a plot, get a life.

Querelle And Me

Tonight I had the joy of watching another horrifying queer movie to add to the long list I have seen in my lifetime. I was reading Entertainment Weekly a few weeks ago. They are usually very good at keeping me up to date on good movies that have come out on DVD.
I have a long list of holds from the library and I just add to it when I find something I may want to watch.
Tonight, that movie ended up being "Querelle".
I kind of feel bad making fun of the movie since the main character, Brad Davis died of AIDS in 1991 (supposedly Brad Davis was straight in real life, or was he bisexual? depends on the website you check.), but let it be known, nothing can stop me from saying how weird and ridiculous this movie is.
Here are some things you may want to know about my experience with this movie:
1. I didn't watch the whole thing. Miles and I could only stand it for 22 minutes, so we don't know if it miraculously gets better after the 22nd minute.
2. This movie had the false appearance of becoming a musical at any moment. The background was a lovely peach spray painted back drop, which made it look like there was a perpetual sunset. Querelle was supposed to be a homo sailor. He wore a white beanie with a red ball on top. I kept waiting for a musical number like, "I think I'm gay, what a beautiful day, let's roll in the hay, if that's okay." Or, "I've never done this before, don't call me a whore, my acting is a bore, while watching your brain may grow sore." Or, "My name is Querelle, my acting is hell, I guess you can tell."
3. Every shot has a penis in it. Not subtle.
4. This movie came out around the same time as "ET". I don't know how to explain how hillarious that is.
5. I am not sure what Jean Genet was smoking when he made this film, but Entertainment Weekly must have gotten ahold of the stuff when they recommended watching it.

All I Want For Hannukah

I know it's a little early to be making Hannukah lists, but I am really really wanting one thing this year. What I want is a bag for my laptop with a pixelated picture of Cornelius sewn on to the front. Okay, maybe that's not all I want, but it's definitely first on my list.
Back to school work...

Lollygagging No More

hahahahaha! hilarity is me not realizing that I have two million forty six thousand eight hundred and forty two things to read before school in two and a half weeks.
I'm such a freshman.
so I'm hitting the books. as soon as I finish this blog post, it's off to some hardcore reading. i was just hanging around thinking to myself how easy this mfa thing is. how could it really take up 30 hours of my week? then it occured to me that i may have assignments to do for my first residency that i haven't even looked at. life is so silly.

music i'm listening to: are you kidding, i have no time to listen to music.
books i'm reading: easier to make a list of books i'm not reading (lucky for me, i read a lot of the books at interlochen, so i can just skim them for a refresher. although i was at interlochen 10 years ago, so i might need more than a refresher.)

read on reader.

Today I Almost Killed A Man

My friend, Adrian and I have been biking to work together. We live across the park from each other and he’s a really nice person to ride bikes with…

Until I almost killed him.

On our way to work this morning, he was telling me to turn and I was going forward and when I realized I was supposed to turn, I smashed my bike into his. He flew, I mean flew, off his bike and rolled onto his back.

He stood up and immediately declared, “I’m okay.” It was horrifying. He was indeed okay, but holy crap. Thank G-D for helmets.

His arm was sore and scraped but apparently nothing else hurt because he was protected by his backpack. It is one of the worst things in the world to think you could cause physical injury to another person, especially a nice person.

My front tire was totaled and we walked the rest of the way to the Book House. He says he still wants to bike with me, but who knows how he’ll feel by Monday. I kept trying to give him an out, but he’s not angry or anything. This was not how I wanted to start my day.

It brought back horrors of my experience as a child when I was chasing a soccer ball and accidentally knocked over a grandma of a friend of mine. Then she had a broken hip and had to use a walker for the rest of her life. Basically, I shortened her life-span dramatically. True story. Good job, Gili.

Song of the day: Killer Queen by Queen.

New Generation of American Gothic

Upon request, a ham like myself cannot turn down a photo-op. Here is a quartet of pictures from our new home. Our house is the one all the way at the top. We didn't have a pitchfork for the American Gothic photo. So sorry.
Also, the photo of Miles is taken at Powderhorn Park, which is directly across from our house.
More photos to come soon.

Part Two of American Gothic Revisited

I got a little into the nature shots while on the photo rampage. Here's a shot of me in the frontroom, me on the porch, the view from our front window, and the ducklings we saw in the lake at Powderhorn. Now, I'm finished with my photo project.