confessions

(Sunday Pilates in the Park. Photography by my father.)
***

I lie a lot on this blog. I've learned how to tell half-truths. Photographs are matched with words; often a narrative is formed here that didn't exist in "real time."

I've developed a blog persona. Every blog serves a purpose for its blogger. I see no good reason to project my negativity, sadness, or despair into public space, but that doesn't mean that doing such a thing serves no function; it just isn't for me. I've developed a fictional self, maybe a self who I'd prefer to be, an angle or a slice of me. "Persona" means mask, and my blog is one of the only masks I know how to wear to protect myself.

I guess I feel guilty about this. But every blogger decides the limits to what she will share with readers.

Being thirty has been much more of a struggle than I could have anticipated. Or maybe I could have anticipated this.

My blog provides a good challenge for me to see the positive, to recreate the story in a way that I wish it could be. Sometimes that challenge feels too impossible, immoral, and deceitful.

new things, familiar things

Mom and Dad are back in New York, staying at my apartment, which was my birthday gift to Mom. Before their first play of their trip, Joe and I met up with them for dinner at Westville in the East Village. Not that it's a competition, but I'm sure I won best dinner with my wasabi-glazed mahi-mahi. Then again, we all won with the shared fruit cobbler and vanilla ice cream.

We played around a little with the new camera. I'm trying to be patient and to pace myself while I get to know my new toy.

Just in time for summer, I'm sporting a new haircut thanks to a visit to the fabulous Veronica's apartment. Now if only summer would come and stay for a while.

All my love and congratulations go to Riva, who has just graduated from Graduate School in American Studies. You are truly a master!

Full belly, tired feet, can't lose.

While in Boston, I borrowed Kimberley's camera. Upon arriving back in New York, Joe presented me with a camera to borrow for the summer. There are a million new buttons and choices. This is a Real-Deal camera, the kind where it helps to understand words like "aperture," "shutter," and "single-lens reflex." Most likely it will take me much longer than the entire summer to get a grip on this mysterious world of photography, but I thought I'd begin practicing in the way I enjoy most: by photographing my loved ones' every move.

We spent Sandra's visit walking around Manhattan, sitting in parks, and eating. Lots and lots of eating.
This is a list of some of the amazing places where we ate in the past two days:
Ess-a-Bagel (twice); 16 Handles; Donut Plant; St. Dymphna's; Cafe Habana; Porto Rico Importing Co.; Abraco; Sweet Revenge; Cafe Grumpy; and the amazing tuna-melts made by Joseph.

Thanks for the perfect break from reality, Sandra (and Joe). Now if I could just convince Sandra to take me with her on the Amazing Race. We'd be such a good team!

sunny side up

To top off my visit to Cambridge, we met up with the lovely Matt and Connie for a picnic brunch from the Oxford Spa.


Trend watch: sunglasses.


I prefer squinting.


Kimberley chose the academic approach with regular glasses.


At Simon's, Riva and I decided to infiltrate the ex-gay community. We're going to find her a nice post-homo with whom she can shack up.

Tonight, Sandra and I head back to New York. I wish I liked Cambridge more since I love all my friends here. At least I have a good vacation home at my sister's whenever I need a break from the big city.

Movies not to watch: Burn After Reading and A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints

Another delicious visit to S.H.O.P.

Sandra and Rui-Bing "produced a cornucopia of breakfast foods" for Riva and me at Sandra's House of Pancakes.


We agreed that breakfast is the best meal of the day with fewer variables than lunch and dinner, breakfast has the highest potential to be amazing.


And it was just that: amazing.


Here's Riva and my album cover.
Album name: Noah's Abstinence-Only Ark.
Band name: Goes Down Smooth

Centered

Today I attended my first seminar.


Leading up to it, all I could think was there is no way I can live through six full hours of Aikido in one day.


Each class was incredible in its own way.


(These are pictures of Nicole and me practicing in between classes.)


I never thought that Aikido would be a part of my destiny.


Everyone I spoke to had a different path to learning about Aikido.


I'll never forget the first class I observed, how I almost cried.


Alex, Nicole, and I traveled from our New York dojo to attend the seminar.


Everyone welcomed us.


After the first three classes, we hit my favorite sushi place in the Porter Exchange building for lunch.




Wee-Wow Dumlao, one of our instructors spoke to us about incorporating Aikido into every aspect of our lives. She confirmed those feelings I had the very first time I watched Aikido: this practice is a larger metaphor for how we can live in relationship to our environment and to other people. Among other things, Aikido is about taking up space, setting boundaries, and relating to others with love and compassion.


Lorraine DiAnne Shihan, another one of our instructors brought positive, calm power to her teaching.


And Fiona Blyth encouraged us with warmth.


I took my second ukemi in front of the class with Fiona's instruction.

Too many emotions to list right now. This was such a powerful, brilliant day. I'm so happy that I fought through the anxiety and decided to show up. Now that I know what seminars are like, I'm ready to attend a longer one.

Tonight, I plan to sleep soundly.

First stop: Sandra's house of pancakes

Upon my arrival in Boston, Sandra insisted that if I wasn't staying at her house for the night, I should at least come over and enjoy some banana pancakes, bacon, and orange juice for a late-night snack.


Notice her perfectly round pancakes. (Apparently perfectly round pancakes run in her family.)


Even though we were both wiped out, I'm so happy that I got to see Sandra (and Chip) tonight.

Now I'm going to take some herbal sleeping drops (Valerian) and get some rest.

Ukemi, little me, oh my

These are some of the final pictures Joe and I took with my digital camera last night before it really truly passed on to a better place. First my camera started using the flash uncontrollably and now it refuses to take pictures altogether.

We treated ourselves to dinner at the original Shake Shack, which entailed a Shack Burger, a Bird Dog, and the Shack Attack. I love how well chocolate and burgers go together.

We spent several hours sitting in Madison Square Park, enjoying the warm weather and trying to write down every film we're seen together in the theater. (This excluded the endless list of DVDs we've watched.) The list wasn't as long as anticipated probably because lately we can't afford the expense, so we've stuck to Netflix for our cinema fix.

Yesterday was a BIG Aikido day for me. For the first time, I was asked by my instructor, Ernie to take Ukemi in front of the class. It's an honor when the instructor thinks you are ready to be an example for the class. I was nervous and the adrenaline made it hard to concentrate for the rest of class.

Tonight I head to Boston for my very first Aikido seminar, which will be six classes in one day. I'm nervous about being too much of a beginner to attend, but I like the challenge.