I Would Have Taken More, But My Battery Died

Riva screamed at Verizon on the phone today. This is the resulting state.

Giant baby cheek/hand weirdness.

What camera?

Never tell Riva if you have an idea that will change your life. She gets really excited about making fun of you. She had a good laugh at the expense of the felt-o-meter. So did Kimberley (and so did Aimee!). The only one who didn't laugh was Jen G. You won't be high on my felt-o-meter, Jen G, don't worry. As for Riva, Kimberley, and Aimee, I promise nothing.

Who's the artist?

My beautiful sister.

Less pouty than earlier.

Only love for this one.

Another angle.

Watching.

Katherine joined us just before my battery died.

Last shot before we ate a Thai feast.

I have proof now; Riva really is my neighbor.

the beloved pensive shot

I love nothing more than embarrassing Riva in public.

I've got camera skills.

So does Riva.

Such good diner coffee.

Riva at her local beach. So very New England.

Perfect walking around in the water day.

scrunched nose one

scrunched nose two

pre-boston mopey post about my past

A friend of mine said to me, “I’m tired of reinventing myself.” This resonated with me because my past is always catching up with my present.

When thinking about this post, I had another conversation with a different friend circling around in my head. “We should start a support group for over-sharers,” I had suggested.

I don’t want to do that here. My blog is not the write forum for me to write about this in depth, but I do feel like saying something.

Yesterday, as I was crossing the street to pick up my laundry, one of the three boys named Ari that I knew in San Francisco was walking down my block. The feeling I had was worse that what I imagine I would experience at a high school reunion. My body was instantly transported to San Francisco and I ducked into the Laundromat before unraveling on the pavement.

Fine.

Except the same thing happened again today. I was on way to Union Square. Crossing my path (or was I crossing hers?) was my old coworker/roommate/good friend from San Francisco, Katie. Why was the interaction so unnerving? One possibility is that she’s known I’ve lived here all year and she feels guilty about not contacting me.

But maybe more, we sensed each other’s desire to leave the Bay Area behind us. (Although she’s living in Greenpoint, so maybe she doesn’t want to avoid the scene the way I do.)

What’s frustrating is that this is how I used to feel after graduating from Oberlin. I couldn’t get away from there fast enough. Does this mean that there will come a time when I will be running from New York? Maybe once I know enough about myself, I won’t want to hide from who I used to be.

Some of this is a product of privilege. It’s a weird complaint that only comes from having the opportunity to move around and try out a million different ways of living.

A few months ago, Kim said that what makes me unique is that I am constantly questioning my choices and challenging myself to be someone I want to be. At the risk of sounding like the big hippy I not-so-secretly am, someday, I’d like to have a solid grasp on the me at the center of all of this change.

For now, I’d like to move to Astoria and hope for fewer uncontrolled encounters with my past.

The Best Thing About This Month

is that it's almost over. I could only take one more day. Thanks, Hashem for figuring that out.

This was a month of crappy tests and challenges coming at me from every angle and frankly, I'm not sure I learned anything. (You know it's bad when I bring "frankly" into it.)

Here's what needs to be mentioned: I have genius friends. Amazing and supportive and smart and great. This was a big month of neediness on my part and everyone stepped up to help me and to get me through and to keep me on (some kind of) a forward moving track. (I'm sorry this is sappy, but it's how I feel. I'm so lucky.)

Whatever, August. Get out of here.
Give me September.

updates:
*still don't know about Jess' place.
*going to Boston for Labor Day weekend
*feeling healthy post-surgery
*one great thing: for the first time in my life, I will have a normal weekend (Sat and Sun) without work! I've switched my work week to M-F!
*reading: Raymond Carver, Brian Boudlrey, Wendy Rawlings, and about to start Dennis Cooper
*music: Bill Withers' Sweet Wanomi and this other song that keeps showing up on my ipod that is unidentifiable as of late.

Waiting For The Catch

I'm trying not to get my hopes up. Jess' place in Astoria is opening and it's really reasonable rent and a one bedroom! We have to find out if I can have a cat. Once I know this, I may be moving in when Jess moves out at the end of September. Here's what I would get:

Outside Jess' house (she lives on the top/4th floor)

The bedroom

Another view of the bedroom

The bathroom (yes, that's a tub you see.)

living room part one

living room part two (and Jess)

kitchen part one

kitchen part two

one of the two (GASP) closets!

one more view of the living room (with ceiling fan)

For a good time, try surgery!

No joke.

For whatever reason, I woke up from surgery and have never felt better.

My hot doctor told me there might be pain but she was wrong.

There's still a lot of difficult things I need to take care of soon (switching health insurance at work and finding a new doctor as hot as this one, finding a new place to live without slumlords, figuring out what to do about my writing program), but overall, I feel like a new woman.

One polyp lighter.

Thank you to everyone for being so ridiculously kind and loving and patient with me.

The parents are back in town, Nintendo in hand. Joe and I tried to play last night, but after I massively kicked ass in Mario 3, we couldn't get the machine to work.

*I'm about to finish McEwan's Enduring Love, and if you have to pick a McEwan book to read, I'd go with The Comfort of Strangers, but this definitely comes in second.
*The back of my head is officially famous: This site has a lot of great food ideas for the city
*best clothes/most likely to be worn by real people in the giant Vogue: Bloomingdales
*tastiest meal of the week: Bourgeois Pig with Kim

I said, "Just a few more stressful activities and then I'm back on track." Aimee asked, "What track is that exactly?"

I just got home from Aimee's retreat (emphasis on treat). I thought I'd spend the day lounging around with her but I missed my train so we had a shorter visit than I planned. I was still really happy to see her and to hang out in Calm-ville. (I kind of don't even mind my giant chin in this profile picture of Aimee and me.)

Since I had an hour to kill in Grand Central this morning, I tried to tell myself to just sit down and read, to not spend money. Instead, I purchased two spring rolls from the market, and the largest Vogue magazine they've ever published. Over 800 pages. I have never bought Vogue in my entire life, but for five dollars, I couldn't resist. I'm holding off on diving in until after my medical procedure on Thursday. That's right, this Thursday is the big day. Trying not to think about it.

Mom and Dad come tomorrow. Looking forward to that. They're bringing my old Nintendo so I can slaughter Joe in Super Mario II. (The princess rules!)

On Saturday my bad luck started to go away. It's been over a month since I witnessed people falling and hurting themselves and it's back. This is good news because when other people get hurt, I tend to be safe from harm.

Also, I kicked a pigeon. (Along with horses, when I become president, all pigeons will be obliterated.) My bare toes touched pigeon feathers. This can only be good. (I forget how this works logically. Maybe it's just that since everything has been so stressful lately, things have to get better.

Riva has landed in Boston (like the pilgrim that she is). She's truly my neighbor now. So happy! I can't wait to go visit.

*I'm kind of sick of listening to music right now.
*I'm still reading the same books.
*Oh! Joe and I saw Superbad, which I recommend if you need to lose yourself in something silly and stupid.

Fall is almost here (or has it arrived?). This means more snuggling, good running weather, and pensiveness.

*Seasonal apparel I wish I owned: Sweater Dress (Let me know if you have tips on where to get a good one.)

general groan

Yesterday was a big grooming day. On my way to my eyebrow wax at Aveda Institute, I saw the Project Runway guy on the street.

I thought I was in for a good waxing because I got an instructor. She was a brute with tweezers and accidentally ripped off a tiny part of my skin under my brow.


Veronica came over with ice cream and gave me a new cut. As always, the woman is a genius with shears.

I finally treated her to dinner and while we were eating Italian on my block, Caitlin M-T walked by. Tomorrow she is going to Ronna's wedding in Pittsburgh. Ronna went to Interlochen with us, too.

Tonight is Tara's going away party. She's about to move to Kansas City to pursue her MFA.

This week feels like a fluid mixture of past, present, and future. I guess everything in life is, but lately, it feels like I'm running through a maze of intersections.

I'm tired, still grouchy, and still recovering from camping.

Riva is on her way to her new home on the East Coast. I can't wait to have her so close.

Oh, did I listen to that again?: Martha Wainwright's Bloody Mother F-ing Asshole.

A review I wrote of Sarah Schulman's The Child is online on Venus Magazine's website. More reviews to come. Some of the edits seem a bit off, but that happens. I came up with the genius title. (Obviously, since it's my cell phone ring.)

General groan.

Awkward First Date

You wanted posts; you're going to get them.

Here's my brand new (actually, used) baby. I bought this bike yesterday and so far it's taken me to Greenpoint and back. I am learning how to ride without indexed gears, and it's been a hard adjustment. Because of this, I'm thinking of naming my bike, Awkward First Date.

Also, my apartment is flooded due to last night's big storm. Cornelius and my computer are okay, but a lot of my stuff is soaking in New York grossness.

Songs in my head: You Are The Light by Jens Lekman and Where You're Been Hiding by Architecture in Helsinki.
Food: Lemon Zest Luna Bars

Not Blogging Does Not Equal Not Loving Paulette

I’m writing on my blog because Paulette told me I am not loving her enough. The thing is, I have so much love for Paulette, she need not make such an equation. But I can’t stop her, so I must do my part.

What is there to say?

I was very sulky when Sandra left. I forgot that I had a whole life in the Bay Area and a whole community that I haven’t found in New York. Don’t get me wrong, New York is way better. But why can’t Sandra just move here, you know?

I saw Parker Posey again with her dog (I think the dog is named Kasey). She got tangled up in the dog’s leash. She is perfect and so is her dog.

My first round of submissions were due yesterday. I’m pretty happy about my new short story. I’m not feeling good about the craft essay. When I am forced to think about writing twenty pages on diction and tone, the idea of napping becomes less of an idea and more of a reality.

At this time I am reading Roth’s Portnoy’s Complaint which I give a solid “Meh.” I am also reading McEwan’s Enduring Love, which is not as good as The Comfort of Strangers. I will endure it, but I probably won’t love it.

Even though it is ninety degrees out, I feel like summer is coming to a close.

I miss school. I miss residency. I miss everything. I am pouting.

See? I have nothing to say. My life is boring, boring, boring.

I’m going camping this weekend. I will try to remember to bring the digicam and take pictures. I do believe this will be my first camping trip since my first year of college. We’ll see if this will be a resurgence of Outdoors Gili.

Music: Erasure
Food: Tuna melt on cinnamon raisin toast.
Body Ailment: Perhaps a slight ear infection. Dad, don’t freak out.
Favorite Place Where I Am Not: France
Apparel I Dream Of Owning: Suspenders

Happy, Paulette?

Wake me up before you go-go

On the train, we danced to Queen and Wham!



Sandra carried all her luggage around Coney Island, including a garment bag containing the world's tiniest suit.



We drank too much beer and Sandra missed her flight. Now, she's gone. All I can do is lie around and sulk.

Goodbye, Coney Island. How can they take you away?

Negative Fifteen Minutes of Fame

Joe and Sandra and I tried to go to Two Boots for pizza and beer.

It was closed, but for a really good reason! Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants was filming the second movie!

I was hoping to see Amber Tamblyn (so hot!), who was on set, but no luck.

We had to wake up early after a night of little sleep to go uptown for Kasey's taping of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.

Sandra baked in Central Park.

The set.

Sandra and I were Contestant Companions, which meant we kind of got special treatment. Kind of.

I got fancy for my debut on television, but I'm not going to be a star. Not yet. Maybe it will happen when I least expect it.

Sandra and I picked up snacks from Trader Joes including this great variety pack of cheese, The Crowd Cheeser.

Kasey and another contestant (this guy was a know-it-all who didn't know it all).