attempting to eliminate my D.C. phobia

Effective Treatment(s) of Social and General Anxiety:

1. visit a friend like Jen G.




2. take pictures.



3. drink a lot.



4. get beat up.



5. make friends with a gnome like Seamus.




6. go to the Peach Pit, I mean the Black Cat.






7. play in the dirt.



8. make friends with a french bulldog.



9. look at amazing murals hidden in the back of restaurants.






10. eat at ben's bowl of chili.


Follow these ten steps and you're on your way to recovery.

If you want to see more, check out Jen's flickr site. She's a way better photographer than me. But then, who isn't?

*books: James Salter's A Sport and A Pastime (felt so-so about it), Dennis Cooper's Closer (didn't like this very much), and currently reading Deborah Eisenberg's The Stories (So Far) Of (I think she's a keeper).
*watched Klute (can't believe Fonda won an Oscar for this unthrilling thriller), Logan's Run (just as good as the first time), Kong (movie they played on the bus), and some artsy porn by Richard Kern (hit or miss. mostly seems to be made for boys however I recommend chapter two until the cheesy lesbian part at the very end.)
*New York is not the same without: Aimee
*procrastinating on: packing for my big move to Astoria
*still coveting: new boots and a new bag
*favorite omelet: Joe's home-cooked specialty
*a better basement than I have ever lived/worked in: Jen's home
*who hasn't changed one bit: Erin from Amsterdam, who lives in D.C.
*who needs to stop making lists and should go home and pack up her books: Gili

Help Wanted

Quandary of the month:

I'm about to move to a non-basement dwelling. I will still be working in a basement.

Should I change my blog name, and if so, to what?

My Half Basement Years?

My Will She Ever Truly Get Out Of The Basement Years?

Please post suggestions.

Jewish Haiku For Rosh Hashanah

I found this site with Jewish haiku. (Unsure who wrote them.) Here are some highlights:


On Passover we

opened door for Elijah.

Now our cat is gone.


*****

Today I am a man.

Tomorrow I will return

to the seventh grade.

*****

Testing the warm milk

on her wrist, she sighs softly.

But her son is forty.

*****

The same kimono

the top geishas are wearing:

I got it at Loehmann's.


*****

Mom, please! There is no

need to put that dinner roll

in your pocketbook.


*****

Is one Nobel Prize

so much to ask from a child

after all I've done?


*****

A lovely nose ring,

excuse me while I put my

head in the oven.

Kid Sister and Me

One of the high school youth that I used to work with, Lilly just moved here from Oakland to begin her first year at NYU. I haven't seen her in two years. She's kind of a little sister to me. Having lived in Oakland her whole life, New York is freaking her out (in good and bad ways). One great thing about Lilly is that she has a gap in her teeth, and I am a sucker for a good gap. So dreamy! (When I was young, I also had a magical gap, but braces/retainers stole it away.)

Other news:
-I got the place in Astoria! Moving in at the end of this month.
-Finished the horrible book I was reading for my review and started Red Ant House by Ann Cummins. So far, really good stuff.
-Saw Parker Posey and her dog on the street this morning. (Why do I continue to report these sightings?)

You have to admit, they're kind of adorable

I try not to take it personally that my parents love the theater more than they love me.

Minuscule

This is getting absurd. Hashem must be trying to tell me something.

I sat down at Mud and Cassie, another girl that I was kind of best friends with for a while in the Bay (and worked with) is sitting across from me. I'm unable to move. I'm not sure why.

I guess we had a falling out, but still, it's been years. Why not just say something?

She's leaving now. No words passed between us.

What's wrong with me?

*song: Julie Ruin's Apt #5

And Smaller Still

Got back to New York and went for a run. Who walked by me on the street?

Haley Shaw (school of the arts).

I thought of stopping, but didn't since she was involved in playing with her ipod and I was involved in not wanting to talk to her. What's weird about this run-in is that I had a dream about her two weeks ago. (Mary O'Malley was in my dream, too. Will I see her next?)

As far as I know, Haley is still dating James Weingarten (random!) but the good news is she toned down the cake make-up.

That's three run-ins in one week. As Brian would say, "What does it mean?????"

*song of the day: I'd Like To Know by Dntel (thanks Jen G)
*lesson of the weekend: Riva is too self-involved to bless me every time I sneeze (her words).

pet peeves

This is what I look like when I touch a wet, shredded piece of paper:
AND
This is what Riva looks like when she writes in a book for the first time in her life:

I Would Have Taken More, But My Battery Died

Riva screamed at Verizon on the phone today. This is the resulting state.

Giant baby cheek/hand weirdness.

What camera?

Never tell Riva if you have an idea that will change your life. She gets really excited about making fun of you. She had a good laugh at the expense of the felt-o-meter. So did Kimberley (and so did Aimee!). The only one who didn't laugh was Jen G. You won't be high on my felt-o-meter, Jen G, don't worry. As for Riva, Kimberley, and Aimee, I promise nothing.

Who's the artist?

My beautiful sister.

Less pouty than earlier.

Only love for this one.

Another angle.

Watching.

Katherine joined us just before my battery died.

Last shot before we ate a Thai feast.

I have proof now; Riva really is my neighbor.

the beloved pensive shot

I love nothing more than embarrassing Riva in public.

I've got camera skills.

So does Riva.

Such good diner coffee.

Riva at her local beach. So very New England.

Perfect walking around in the water day.

scrunched nose one

scrunched nose two

pre-boston mopey post about my past

A friend of mine said to me, “I’m tired of reinventing myself.” This resonated with me because my past is always catching up with my present.

When thinking about this post, I had another conversation with a different friend circling around in my head. “We should start a support group for over-sharers,” I had suggested.

I don’t want to do that here. My blog is not the write forum for me to write about this in depth, but I do feel like saying something.

Yesterday, as I was crossing the street to pick up my laundry, one of the three boys named Ari that I knew in San Francisco was walking down my block. The feeling I had was worse that what I imagine I would experience at a high school reunion. My body was instantly transported to San Francisco and I ducked into the Laundromat before unraveling on the pavement.

Fine.

Except the same thing happened again today. I was on way to Union Square. Crossing my path (or was I crossing hers?) was my old coworker/roommate/good friend from San Francisco, Katie. Why was the interaction so unnerving? One possibility is that she’s known I’ve lived here all year and she feels guilty about not contacting me.

But maybe more, we sensed each other’s desire to leave the Bay Area behind us. (Although she’s living in Greenpoint, so maybe she doesn’t want to avoid the scene the way I do.)

What’s frustrating is that this is how I used to feel after graduating from Oberlin. I couldn’t get away from there fast enough. Does this mean that there will come a time when I will be running from New York? Maybe once I know enough about myself, I won’t want to hide from who I used to be.

Some of this is a product of privilege. It’s a weird complaint that only comes from having the opportunity to move around and try out a million different ways of living.

A few months ago, Kim said that what makes me unique is that I am constantly questioning my choices and challenging myself to be someone I want to be. At the risk of sounding like the big hippy I not-so-secretly am, someday, I’d like to have a solid grasp on the me at the center of all of this change.

For now, I’d like to move to Astoria and hope for fewer uncontrolled encounters with my past.