This is the story about the ways in which UPS does not care about me, or perhaps the Jews as a people.
Almost two weeks ago, I had the idea to send my darling friend, Sandra a dozen Ess-a-Bagels for a surprise Christmas present. I wanted her to get the delivery while the bagels were still fresh and with plenty of time to enjoy them before she left Cambridge for Winter Break. I hand-selected a dozen of Essa's finest, and then walked south to the East Village UPS store to overnight the gift.The charming and attractive woman at UPS took care of my order with ease. Nothing to worry about, I told myself. The bagels were estimated to arrive by the following afternoon.
I took the train back to Queens, checked "send Sandra bagels" off my to-do list, and patiently waited for the thank-you text which would clearly appear on my phone within twenty-four hours. Nothing happened.
The next evening, I checked UPS' site, and found that the package had been marked "Delivered." But no text from Sandra? It didn't take long to discover the bagels were missing.
Sandra scoured her apartment building and her neighbors' homes. I called UPS, and was sent through a series of phone calls, holds, more phone calls, and more holds with a random apology here and there. I was met with some assurance that the good people of UPS were concerned and had an investigative team on the job, searching for my bagels, everyday in the wild growing a little bit staler.
As time moved forward, I would call UPS and as soon as they heard my voice, they would ask, "Is this the bagels?" Sadly, I would answer, "Yes." This point of recognition evolved. When UPS picked up, I would say, "Hi, this is the bagels." Not "This is Gili, calling about the bagels." To them, I became a doughy treat with a hole in the middle.
This Friday, after being given the run-around about my refund all week, I received a phone call from Sandra. Her neighbors across the street were holding a mysterious package from a "Gili Warsett." Ten days had passed.
Sandra finally had a dozen mostly stale, but still edible bagels.
Our strategy is to not tell UPS that the bagels have been found. Instead, I will go in to the store this week and demand my shipping.
Bagels wants her money back!
