Two days ago, something happened and I never went into detail about it, so here goes:
Eric Bogosian came into Housing Works and one of my coworkers pointed him out. Well, I misunderstood who she was referring to, so I started flirting with this older guy for a solid twenty minutes. I learned all about his life in Hastings, his eleven year old daughter, his ex-wife, how he felt about parenting, etc. He was ready to give me his phone number. Finally, I had to go help someone else. I said to my coworker, “So that was Eric Bogosian?” and she said, “No, Eric Bogosian left twenty minutes ago.” I spent all this time trying to hook up with some random 40 year old! He must have been so excited and confused to have so much attention from me.Fast forward to today. Jessica, the real magic bullet owner came to pick up her package. First of all, she thought Aimee and I were lovers because Aimee was hanging out in her pajamas (actually mine) and why else would two grown women be lying around in their pajamas at 10 pm if they both didn’t both live there? Then I spotted her theater ring (you know, one of those comedy/tragedy face mask things) and she stood in my apartment telling us:
1. She graduated in 05!!!! from BU!!!
2. Her dad lives in the West Village and he’s lived there for 35 years and she’s from New York and she’s a real New Yorker and did she mention her dad’s from the West Village and he’s lived there even before it was SAFE and that she loves the West Village and, you know, the Meat Packing District, and did she mention she’s from West Village?
3. She went to a theater high school. I think it was in the West Village.
4. She has a shih-tzu. (Later, we got to see her apartment, which has a painting-- Aimee thinks it’s a photograph-- of her dog that she can look at while lying in her bed (weird and creepy and not very feng shui, let me tell you).
5. The only good thing about Jessica is that she told me which phone reception is best in our building. Verizon.
6. Did I mention she’s from the West Village?
So the cycle of the magic bullet has come to an end. On the upside, Aimee got a free cardboard box, I got a potential cat sitter, and I met the only person in her adult years who wears a theater ring.
Aimee feng-shuied my apartment some more. Now she’s all drugged up and we’re off to sleep. Good night lovely people.
Song of the night: “You’re Getting Too Smart” by The Detroit Emeralds
p.s. Jessica isn't that bad. Aimee just hates her because she's jealous and thinks Jessica will be my new Aimee Replacement.
