On Tuesday, a blonde child crossed my path. I've had nothing but bad luck ever since.
Tuesday, I went to the gym and tried out a new locker room. As I was getting ready to leave, this little blonde girl kept staring at me. She watched me change out of my swimsuit and then she watched me as I bashed my head into the corner of my metal locker. She watched me almost cry.
I tried to give her the look of death, but it didn't take. She just stared.
Before I continue, you should know that blonde children are like black cats for me. If one crosses my path, it's bound to be bad.
So I left the gym and drove home. Trying and failing to control my anger. Her piercing blue eye balls stuck in my mind.
Flash forward to today.
Like every Thursday, I woke up and started getting ready for the gym. But my swimsuit was nowhere to be found. I looked everywhere and no suit turned up.
I put on an older suit and my gym clothes and headed over to the Y. This older suit has been stretched out and it's much too baggy for swimming, but what could I do?
I arrived at the gym. I accidentally walked through the boy's locker room in my confusion. I searched through the lost and found and the locker room where I had seen the evil blonde child and nothing showed up.
I went for my swim. About thirty minutes into it, I realized my left breast was hanging out of my suit. FULLY EXPOSED.
I covered up, finished swimming, and went back to the locker room.
Now I have to go buy a new suit and my old one was less than a year old. All because of that incredibly evil blonde child.
I COULD take responsibility for all of this but I'd much rather blame blonde children.
On my way out of the Y, another one crossed my path. I've got to get out of Minnesota.
