Vermont is not for me.

Every ounce of energy has been sucked out of me over this school year. As a parting gift, I was forced to go on an end-of-the-year school trip to Vermont with nineteen bratty teenagers.


These are students who don't deal well with lack of structure, so we decided it would be wise to spend four days trying to micromanage their behavior out in public.


The worst part of this is that Vermont doesn't seem to believe in the importance of coffee.


Yesterday I dragged myself from activity to activity, never caffeinated, while I was under orders to pretend to care about the fate of the students.


I have about sixty report cards to write by Monday morning; I don't see how that's going to happen.


As usual, the teachers' needs are undermined by the whims of the administration. Wouldn't it be fun to make the teachers suffer on their final days? I want to be voted off the island.


We ran into this little kid, hiking in dog pajamas- definitely a highlight.


Today is our final day before the long trip back tomorrow morning. At least this evening I get to hang out with my old friend, Abbey in Burlington.

Adjusting to the elements

Joseph and I spent Saturday on Jones Beach with three of my coworkers.


He won the prize for burn victim though he did wear (and reapply) sunscreen.


Courtney, Heidi, and Vicky weren't quite as sun seared, but Vicky experienced a sand scratch on her cornea, so I think she suffered the most.


It's going to be a fabulous summer!

Puppy bliss

Nukah and I are staying at Riva's parents' home for the next couple of weeks.


I can't think of a more heavenly place to be a dog.


Charlie is still figuring out Nukah.

I associate Riva's home with sleep. It's almost impossible to be stressed when I'm there.

Reflecting on the life of Louise Bourgeois

"Art is a guarantee of sanity."

“When you go from painting to this, it means you have an aggressive thought. You want to twist the neck of a person. I became a sculptor because it allowed me to express … what I was embarrassed to express before.”

"Art is manipulation without intervention."

"Everywhere in the modern world there is neglect, the need to be recognized, which is not satisfied. Art is a way of recognizing oneself, which is why it will always be modern."

"Sometimes it is necessary to make a confrontation – and I like that."

"What interests me is the conquering of the fear, the hiding, the running away from it, facing it, exorcising it, being ashamed of it, and, finally, being afraid of being afraid."

"My work disturbs people and nobody wants to be disturbed. They are not fully aware of the effect my work has on them, but they know it is disturbing."

"From the beginning I was an overachiever. That is to say, if you flatter me, or if you look at me the right way, I will kill myself to please you. It's very painful to be an overachiever."

"An artist can show things that other people are terrified of expressing."

Approaching the finish line

The end of the school year is approaching and I’m beginning to exhale. The students are in a summery mood, and are being especially nice because it’s report card-writing time. I don’t have enough distance to know if the students have learned or what they are taking away this year. I know that I’m leaving with a lot of new information. The next couple months will be a time for me to sort it out and try to make some sense of this experience.

I have so much gratitude for my family and friends who made this year possible. I will write more about my appreciation in a future post.

I want to go home, but I'm not sure where that is. Sometimes home is driving with Nukah by my side, windows down, sun shining, music playing, and a cup of coffee in the holder.

To answer my mom's question: no, most of the students did not like the ambrosia salad. It's a lonely world, working with teenagers.

full (marshmallow and whipped topping) circle

It's the end of the year and my classes are wrapping up. We're watching Edward Scissorhands in Mythology, Meaning, and Metaphor and my students squealed with disgust and confusion when Edward is fed ambrosia salad. Of course I protested and insisted that ambrosia salad is a supreme cuisine. Some of them have never tried it before. Tonight, I made some for our final class tomorrow. They'll see the light:


Ambrosia salad really brings the school year full circle. I made ambrosia salad all by myself for the first time for the faculty bar-b-que right before the students returned to school in September.

"Ambrosia" literally means the food or drink of the Greek gods, so it makes sense to sample this delicacy in my mythology class.

Additionally, I forgot to add this classic picture of Halligan and Nukah:

Halligan and Nukah

Everyday after school, Nukah plays with his best friend in the neighborhood, Halligan. In a week, Nukah and I are moving to another part of town for the month of June. Then we'll be in Brooklyn for the summer. There's no way to prepare these puppies for what's coming.

food, family, and fun

Saturday was another packed day in the city:

We ate breakfast with Joe's childhood friend, Per at Brooklyn Label, which is not very tasty, but one of the last convenient spots in the neighborhood. Then we drove into Manhattan and took Nukah to the Chelsea dog run before we met my parents for a pre-lunch dessert at Billy's Bakery. This was the first time my parents met Nukah and inevitably, the love and adoration flowed. Then it was back to the dog run until we ensured that Nukah was completely pooped. In the evening, we ate dinner at my mom's favorite cheesecake destination, Junior's before heading to BAM to see Creditors. Joe and I didn't like the play; it made us wish we were watching The Aliens again. Finally, we headed home to take Nukah for a walk before sleep.

Happy birthday, Mom!

Yesterday, Joe and I drove down to the city to celebrate my mom's sixty-first birthday.


We ate at Elephant and Castle, which was a perfect accidental choice.


My mom sported the terminator glasses for our walk to the theater.


Joe and I got on the waiting list for the show my parents were seeing, The Aliens and I'm glad we did. It ended up being amazing.

Can't stop freezing me out.

Yesterday I took all my winter clothes down to Brooklyn. Today it snowed flurries upstate.

Sort of going home again

We drove to Brooklyn today to drop off a load of my things. While we were in the city, we had lunch with John and finally purchased a skateboard, so Joe can teach me to ride this summer.


The best part of getting my board, which is basically a way of reclaiming (or rewriting) my teenage years, was that I found a deck with a mock Keith Haring design. I wish it was an authentic illustration, but at least it's a shout out to a favorite artist of my youth.


Joe showed me a few of his moves before we drove back upstate.

Taking our pool cue

It's been a good weekend. This morning, Joe and I spent about forty dollars at the public library's book fair. Then we drove over to school to sit in the sun and swim in the pool.


We played lifeguard.


Joseph took the plunge.


There's less than a moment before the hot air and the freezing water collide.


On Monday, it snowed. By Saturday, we were swimming.

Prince was right

Sometimes it snows in April.

Today it snowed flurries. I'm not happy about this.

47 more days.

Canada = Midwest

Duluth Avenue, French style


Montreal is such a lovely, unpretentious city. At least it seemed so when I couldn't understand the language. I really felt like I was in the Midwest. This was Joseph's first trip to Canada.


We found the most amazing Canadian candy store.


Joe and I bought treats for ourselves and treats for the family, who watched Nukah while we were away.


The best part was the reunion. Jen's leaving Canada after she graduates and I don't know when I'll get to see her again.

My muscled protector

The weirdest child at school is in the second grade. She frightens me, but I'm drawn to her because in a way, she seems to behave without the confines of societal pressure. Today she threw this action figure at me and told me that he's my boyfriend. I've been carrying him around as a quick fix for my loneliness. It's nice to have a protective muscle man by my side when Joe and Nukah are unavailable.

Teaching is a performance. A few of my students were talking about my personality and agreed that I seem like a happy (though not a simple) person. Perceptions can be so isolating (or do I mean alienating?), but it would be unhelpful for my students to know what I'm feeling most of the time. I'd like to be backstage for a while, hiding in the folds of the red velvet curtain.

I can't wait until Friday when Joseph and I run away to Montreal to visit Jen.

Ode to Joy

Even though I write on my blog a lot less frequently lately, I have no intention of closing shop. Yesterday afternoon, my blog was not available online and I felt what it would be like to lose my little corner of the world. I went through some steps on the blogger website and miraculously, my blog reappeared. I want this online space; I've grown accustomed to checking in, even if I'm only writing highly censored and carefully worded updates.

Last night, Joe and I attended a youth production of Henry V because some of my students were in it. The play was excruciatingly acted and as I sat there cringing, once again I began to think about how out of context I feel in this small, retirement community, where hippies come to burn out, die, and pretend to not live in suburbia. There isn't a happy ending to this anecdote.

Today was a little better. Joseph, Nukah, and I ended up taking a very long walk on a nature trail. We didn't think the trail would be long or lead us anywhere, but we estimated that we went about three miles. Joe and I weren't certain if the trail would be a circle and while neither of us are skilled navigators, somehow we ended up finding our way back to our car.

After our big hike, we went out for BBQ, which has put Joseph in the bathroom with a possible case of food poisoning.

Fifty-seven days left in the school year, including weekends and vacation days.

A very literary birthday

My birthday was wonderful, packed from beginning to end. I worked for the first half of the day, which meant celebrating with my students. Nukah and Joe came to my creative writing class and the group sat outside eating macarons from Madeleine Patisserie and drinking Dr. Brown's Cream Soda and Black Cherry. Joseph also brought me mylar horse and whale balloons. Shortly after he gave them to me, I accidentally let go of the whale and we watched it fly high above school. Hopefully, this has some sort of symbolic meaning. Right after class, Joe and I drove down to the city. We took Nukah to his favorite dog park in the West Village to play before we dropped him off at daycare. I ate oysters for the first time at the Mermaid Oyster Bar. The appetizers were so delicious that we decided to come back later for dinner. After oysters, we hurried across town to see and listen to Deborah Eisenberg read at 192 Books. She read parts of "A Cautionary Tale." I don't have the time right now to talk about this in detail, but her reading was amazing. She signed my book, "For Gili, for the happiest birthday yet." I told her that it most certainly was. After the reading, Joe and I walked back to the Mermaid Oyster Bar for more seafood and conversation. Our waiter told us that he felt like he was in Groundhog Day. When we had been there for appetizers, the waiter had lit a candle and put it in my espresso cup of chocolate pudding. I had forgotten to make a wish, so he agreed to light another candle after we finished dinner. The second time I made a really good wish. After dinner, we picked up Nukah and drove back upstate where we collapsed into a very sound sleep.

It's time for me to get out of bed and start my second day as a thirty-one year old. Thank you, everyone for making my birthday special. I feel so loved.