Breathe out

A full weekend began on Friday night: Kimberley and Beth are in town for Grace's wedding. Joe and I met up with them for a delicious dinner in Murray Hill at a vegetarian/vegan Korean restaurant, Franchia Tea. Who knew there was such a thing?


Today I took my 5th Kyu test for Aikido, my very first Aikido test. I passed!


I feel like I've been running a month-long marathon.


All of us who tested for 5th Kyu passed!


I'm so proud of the 5th kyu group.


Then the rest of the levels took their tests. (5th kyu is the first test. Then there's 4th, 3rd, 2nd, and 1st before blackbelt.)


Our test seemed so easy compared to the other kyu's, but it didn't feel that way during preparation time.




Me with my 5th Kyu partner, Marina; Elsa and her husband, Chris; Leyla; Indra (a blackbelt); Alex, who rocked her 3rd kyu test; and Andrea, who also holds a higher rank as of today.


There are so many young women who have started practicing at my dojo. In the fifth kyu group, six out of seven of us are women.




I'm completely wiped out from all the build-up. Joe and I treated ourselves to burgers and fries from St. Dymphna's


and (of course) a dessert stop at 16 Handles. No celebration is complete without a yogurt buffet.


Exhaustion consumes me. Tonight, for the first night in a very long time, I think I'll be able to sleep all the way through.

Finally, I can breathe again.

Answers to questions

In my last post, I asked for something. I put a question out into the world and yesterday at Aikido, my partner helped me receive an answer. I won't go into detail about what happened, but the lesson I learned is that I can be a positive force for myself; I don't need to look outward to find reassurance and acceptance.

I left class feeling stronger, having regained my peripheral vision. A mentor of mine said that everything has to unwind and fall away before rebuilding a sturdy and enduring structure.

In other news, we've finally made a decision: Joe and I will move into his apartment in Brooklyn next month and Alexis will take over my lease. I'm really excited about this step in my life.

A downward prayer

In my life, and maybe in everyone's life, I encounter people every day who want to share their stories, anecdotes, and advice about how to live better. During pilates this morning, I realized my feet looked like they were praying. A downward prayer. Courtnie, the instructor talked about listening to our bodies, going within ourselves to our cores. I choose to practice Aikido, which is the most humbling part of my daily routine. I try to keep my ego off the mat, opening my heart and head to learning how to strengthen and deepen myself.


What balances this practice of being told how to live better is having another strong aspect of life where we are accepted and understood as we are right now, the part of us that is allowed to be messy and awkward, sad and lost, immature and silly, sensitive and reassured. This is the balance between flailing and containment. I am looking for this side of the equation, the part where I don't need to do or be anything other than who I am.


Right now, I love learning about photography. Like Aikido, I am a beginner when it comes to taking pictures.

"Any discipline can help your writing: logic, mathematics, theology, and of course and particularly drawing. Anything that helps you to see, anything that makes you look. The writer should never be ashamed of staring. There is nothing that doesn't require his attention."
--Flannery O'Connor

Making our own fun.

What can a person do with a trashcan full of plastic balls?


Maybe a better question is:


What CAN'T a person do with a trashcan full of plastic balls?


















And then we sent them flying into the Hudson.






Topped it all off with a little nun action.

10 pieces (for you and me)

1. I am not eating sugar for the entire week. This doesn't include natural sugar from foods like fruit. Too much Yogurtland and 16 Handles. My body, my body.

2. On May 31, 2009, I stepped off the E train at West 4th and Björk, Matthew Barney, and their daughter also exited the train. I'm not a fan; I'm not not a fan either; she's never been important to me. Nobody else noticed as they walked south toward Tribeca. Björk takes the E train. Fancy that.

3. I thought I had a magical MetroCard because it seemed like it wouldn't expire. This morning it expired.

4. Union Square and I have a love/hate relationship. The most important part of enjoying yourself when you're there is to find the perfect place to sit. It's best to sit closer to the skaters and farther from the conspiracy theorists. Advice: don't get too comfortable for the first ten minutes; keep moving until you are in the right spot.

5. In New York, everyone is trying to get something.

6. Things are no longer social when they become obligations. I'm avoiding social obligations and embracing social happenings.

7. The bodega near my dojo sells apples for 79 cents each. This is probably too expensive, but in between classes, this is the most rewarding way to spend 79 cents.

8. I've noticed that the Empire State Building lighting updates are missing from the Time Out. I agree with this editing decision. Now if the city would stop lighting up the ESB in ridiculous ways and just keep it white, we'd have a consistently beautiful skyline.

9. There is nothing wrong with returning to your old apartment, sitting on the stoop with some dumplings and coconut water, watching the people walk by, and pretending you still live there.

10. The etymology of eavesdropper: (1487) place around the house where the rainwater drips off the roof. Stories are everywhere. At least once a week, ride the train without wearing your ipod. Open your journal to a blank page and write.

A weekend in pictures & captions

Pilates at Socrates


LIC Bar


Angel


NYT Styles


Without chin


Movement


Most Precious Blood of All


Astoria burns books


Sleepy ride home

Mutually exclusive

Two innocent-looking felines who have no concept of the other's existence may soon be forced to live as sisters, sharing space and attention. Sometimes people say to me, "You remind me so much of this other friend I have. You guys would love each other!" Then I meet this other friend and reject any possible comparison between us, wondering how I could ever be similar to such a person. Not that our cats, Cornelius and Nancy are very similar, but they do share fierce loyalty to their owners, a disdain for other cats, and a strong preference for independence. The question remains: can two objects exist in the same time and space?

yesterday's photographs

update minus photos

I've been practicing taking pictures with my new camera, but I left the device to download pictures at my apartment in Astoria, so it will have to wait until my parents move out and I can move back in.

I traveled upstate to Pleasantville today, which was a brief and kind of pleasant change-of-venue. (They should change the name to Kind-of-Pleasantville.)

When I returned to Manhattan, I was all sorts of crabby. I stopped by Joe's office to pick up my freshly-washed gi (Aikido uniform) and then headed over to the dojo. As I pulled everything out of the bag, I found a container of chocolate-covered pretzels, which Joe had slipped in for a treat. This was such a perfectly timed surprise. Everyone at the dojo was impressed that not only did Joe wash my gi, but he also left me an after-Aikido delicious snack.

Riva has agreed to help me with my business! More updates on this soon.

I'm training for my first Aikido ranking test, 5th kyu. Even though I have been practicing for a while, I'm very nervous about testing and not sure I will be ready by late June. I may decide to not take it, but I want to be prepared so that the option is there.

I'm eating a bowl of cherries for dinner. That's what life is after all.